Stop the Blame Game

Whether you are on the top of the corporate ladder in a corner office, an hourly employee on the assembly line or an enterprising entrepreneur, excuses are one thing we all share. There is always a coulda’, woulda’, shoulda’ in our stories peppered with lots of “if onlys” or “I wish”.

Taking responsibility for things that happen in our lives is a difficult concept to grasp.  We like to blame our boss, the economy, our location, race, sex, parents, spouse, kids, co-workers, the dog…just about anyone or anything that will fill the role. But in the end, it is not the fault of any of those, the responsibility lies within ourselves. Although we may not have “consciously” caused the event, it is still our job to make something out of the situation, as opposed to crawling in a hole or pulling the covers over our head.

There are many sad tales of how the economic shift in the most recent recession affected our lives. Loss of commissions, cutbacks, store or business closures, loss of homes, demotions, layoffs and restructures all lie in the wake of the decline that hit businesses in 2008 and beyond.  My personal story came with an employment exit from a corporate position as VP of Sales. After licking my wounds the past few years dealing  with the shame, loss of identity and sense of betrayal,  I’ve come to realize that there was a silver lining in that ominous event.

In my previous corporate life, people came to me with their problems, both personal and professional. I coupled that with my life experience caused from the job loss and the abrupt, intense change it caused, took training as an alchemical hypnotherapist since that was a modality I successfully used to help heal the anger and frustration from the career shift and created a business.  In my new profession as a Change Consultant and Clinical Hypnotherapist, I help others view their problems from a higher and deeper perspective to look at repeated patterns and understand why they keep creating the same situations hoping for different results. Part of the process I used was to look at the attributes I was drawn to and enjoyed doing, and parlayed those into a career. If we do the things we love, we will always be successful.

Allowing outside circumstances to dictate our fate, puts us at the mercy of…well the world. After all, shit happens. And when something occurs it is important to allow yourself to feel the feelings that go along with the event and try to understand the causes as to why it happened.  But eventually you have to move to the next step. Many people never get out of the blame game, their failures are always someone elses’ fault. The trick is to make creative choices midstream to recover and readjust. Some of the greatest creations are born out of the most dire situations.

Sometimes it’s not an option to create a totally different profession and you must keep the same job, just with bigger obstacles. Apply some of the same principals in terms of understanding what makes you feel the most fulfilled when you are in that “zone”. Use those traits to help shape your new plan. For example in the discovery phase you realize you love working with the accounting department to figure out creative ways people can save money when they purchase your program. The next week your territory is cut in half due to a reorganization. Instead of reverting to panic mode lamenting over potential lost sales, use the new information you’ve learned about yourself, and offer a value-add service to set you apart from others.  Provide a cost analysis in tandem with accounting that the client will benefit from, regardless of whether or not they purchase your program. By offering the bonus that genuinely helps people, they realize you are there for their best interest, not just to sell them something. People buy value and relationships.  Suddenly what looks like a problem turns into a new way of selling.

Although the concept of taking lemons to make lemonade is cliche’, it is what we do to be successful. Every inventor or entrepreneur who has persevered have taken the obstacles along the way and turned them into an advantage. Creative thinking, a positive outlook and reframing the problem are all important steps to move from blaming to creating your own magic.

Our greatest asset is to be flexible, nimble, willing and able to switch directions as the world shifts, while listening to spirit and your own internal wisdom as you chart your course and new direction.  Join me in exploring new vistas as I role out interesting new programs and offerings for 2015.